<- <- <- <- bummed.....

*siGh*...i dont understand why im so sad...is it because of mike...or is it because im truly homesick...i miss high skool so much...well having friends....my roomates are nice...our neighbors are nice...but it all seems so impersonal...and everyday dat passes i miss my friends more and more...and 2mmorow is gonan be a month since i moved out...and i miss mike...i miss him so much....and i hab no idea wut he thinks about me lyk honestly... *siGh*....lyk during da day its fine...but at night...or just over da weekends....it sucks...because we've all moved on...and eventhough im there it seems lyk glendale is dead....it feels so deserted....Laura is leaving 2mmorow ... and da only person dat is gonna be left is Sammy but he's leaving soon too...and then theres gonna be nothing over there...juss my family...and i hab a feeling dat, dats how its gonna be forever....its lyk i cant make bonds here for some reason...it seems so WeIRd...this isnt anything like home...leaving high school SUCKS ASS...............my world is now uPSidE doWn.........im stuck in between two worlds....well i dont want to leave one behind cuz obviously i love the ppl in it...and im not close to anyone here........*siGh*..............................arghhhhhhhhhhh dammit.........i would do anything to hab all my friends back...dis sucks...i hate it....i dun even know wut i feel...i love it but i hate it....cuz its soo much fun...being on ur own..and just doing wtv u want...but its just too different....idk...im confused...*siGh*.........................well i hab to go imma go take a shower............idk wut imma do...*siGh*...i need a hug... ....

swe3tchick87

MoOD: ehh worried...

idk if this has ever happened to u guys...but man...its amazing...and im so happy..but im so scared that mike and i wont end up "happily ever after"...*SiGh*....he's so amazing...it's like i feel so complete when im with him..somethign is so different about him...and i dont even know what it is...ive felt dat whole "were so connected" w/one other guy which was Eddie...but  it wasnt like dis...this is enexplainable...idk could i actually be in love? i've never felt dis before...and it fills me up...i feel so happy..and when im with him...the world literally stops...but then im scared..dat its not gonna work.. idk...im juss confused right now i wish everything was set in stone...but its not...but i know im gonna be w/him...i just know it...its just hmm we juss hab a very weird situation...*siGh*....well im like so sleepy....and i cant go to sleep thinking bout dis precious lil man lol lol...anyways i hab to go...i hab sociology and art 2mmorow then i get to home~!! yay...i miss my mom and brohter and dad... *siGh*...well byeee

swe3tchick87

MoOD: ehh :-/

well im finally here in the dorms at channel islands and i do hab to admite its lyk a dream come true its soooooooo beautiful...but im having trouble fitting in w/all these white ppl...i dun hab a problem w/them but we're juss so different...and it sucks....but yea...idk i miss glendale and my friends and my friggin culture lol...when i could go home and find beans lol lol...but yea...idk...i feel better than a few days ago...but at night i still get really sad and depressed ...but i guess w/time dat will change...but yea anyways imma go to sleep cuz im really sleepy...but yea talk to u guys later

swe3tchick87 :-/

MoOd: ...*sIgh*....

well i just finished reading the book that was assigned to us "the Open space of Democracy..." and it made me think so much about how corrupt our world really is...and the worst thing is that people never talk about it...there is never a change because no one is willing to be different...to take a risk....everyone is wrapped up in fitting into dis mundane and pointless society that they dont realize that their actions are what is going to bring their own society down.  People like Bush are so friggin wrapped up in being on the "top" of everything of  having the most power....that they dont give a fuck about who dies...and how our society internally unravels....we are a mess...this isnt a democratic society anymore..if i was to go to Texas....waving a banner that says "war is never the answer" people woudl boo at me...bring me down...and do everythign possible to make me put down that banner....and y? because Bush has gotten half of this nation to believe in this war for "peace" ...but tell me why shoudl we have to die for peace...we're not dying for peace ppl...were dying because Bush is a power hungry freak who wants to be able to say i conquered  Sudamm Hussien...I did THIS....we're dying for power...that's what it is...so what? lets say we do win this "war"...yea we will be the winners once again..and Bush will take the credit for leading our country to victory but when we take a look inside our country...we have forgotten our own morals....we killed innocent people...we invaded another country for no friggin reason....we used up so many weapons that slowly deteriorated our own atmosphere....and all this for what? a position in the world as the "super power"....Power has become such a big issue in this society that we don't care about anything anymore...we cheat...we deceive..we do everything in our power to reach the top...and that's what we are...a country that is "rich" w/money and power...but common we hab nothing...money can burn....power is only temporary....but if we were to have a good base...if we had good morals...good principals we would be able to withstand and STAY strong...see we're like this gorgeous brand new top of the line car..everyone wants to be in it...it's beautiful...it's expensive it has the potential of going to great places....BUT...we hab no gasoline....our fuse should be our morals...but we hab none...this is all an illusion....we look nice but our society is corrupt...and it sucks becasue America was made to be a country of opportunity and  freedom...but we took it too far....so much that this isnt freedom anymore...because i cant openly express wut i feel w/out being bitched at because if i say somethign about the war im screwing up Bush's dream of being on the "top" of having all the glory.......it really sucks that such a wonderful country is being messed up by the ignorance of so many ppl....i personally love this country...but i hate seeing how it is being destroyed....and that's what dis book was about...it was written by a very courageous woman, who decided to speak out and to act...which is what people should be doing...because we are all alive and breathing...y not make the change?..." speak...stand and act..."...

swe3tchick87

MoOd: happy/sleepy

hey hey well today i went to Castaic Lake... with a very old and loved friend of mine...we had sooooooooooooooo MuCh fUn~!!!!!!!!!! it was cool lol...but it was soooooo friggin hot....first we set up the stuff then we went into the water haha we were laughign sooo much...then lyk and hour later we got out and we cooked some hotdogs and we ate ...then we played cards...and then we came back home... it was cool...i hadnt seen this friend for such a LONG ass time and it was great that we finally got to hang out together...but yea right now i hab to clean my room arghhh so i'll write more 2mmorow ohh imma start a countdown on moving out...lol there are:....lol 42 days till i move out

Swe3tchick87